The Tales of an Infinite Regressor

[Translator – Jjsecus]

[Proofreader – Gun]

Chapter 73

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Genetic Factor I

1

Let’s compile my stories once and for all: I was the one who wholeheartedly supported Tang Seorin to become the strongest idol in the Korean Peninsula, founded the National Road Administration to monopolize and control logistics, created SGNet to wield the power of public opinion and information, debuted the Constellation known as ‘The Librarian of the Grand Library,’ and established the cover organization called the Library Society – yes, all of that was me.

After hearing all this, some readers might start to see me as an ‘omnipotent mastermind.’ However, that would be a misunderstanding. As I’ve repeatedly mentioned, my story is more about failures than successes. Naturally, I made a lot of ridiculous mistakes.

Shall I introduce one of the more memorable episodes among those countless blunders?

-Wheeeeee!

Have you ever?

This might be a bit random, but do you like ‘The Lord of the Rings’?

By ‘The Lord of the Rings,’ I mean not Tolkien’s original novels, but the trilogy films directed by Peter Jackson.

My favorite among the trilogy is undoubtedly the last part, the finale, ‘The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King’ (2003).

In particular, the scene where the cavalry of the human kingdom charges at the orcs… commonly referred to as the ‘Rohan Cavalry Charge’ scene, is my absolute favorite.

In the movie, before the humans and orcs clash, there’s a moment where both sides brace themselves.

-Form ranks, maggots! Form ranks! Pikes to the front! Archers to the back!

-Ride now! Ride to ruin and the world’s ending! Arise, arise, Riders of Théoden!

-Death!

-Ride now, sons of Eorl!

Oh, by the way, the parts marked with ‘■’ are to respect the fearsome copyright of the Tolkien estate. I, the Doctor Jang, am a man who strictly abides by copyright laws.

Anyway, when the human cavalry finally charges, the war horn of Pelennor Fields sounds a mighty blast.

This… really. As with most onomatopoeia, it’s impossible to convey the sound of that horn through text.

Even with the crude combination of letters like ‘wheeeee,’ it captures less than 0.01% of that majestic sound effect.

I only got to watch the movie long after its hype had died down. Before I started my life as a regressor, I didn’t have much interest in cultural activities.

But.

“W-What. Guild Master… You’ve never seen The Lord of the Rings movies? I-I don’t understand. What I mean is, why do you even live? What’s the point of prolonging such a useless existence…?”

After Sim Aryeon’s relentless nagging, I somehow managed to get my hands on the Blu-ray and watched it at home.

-Wheeeeee!

And I… was hooked.

It would be fair to say that I finally grasped what the cavalry obsession was. When the cavalry’s hooves trampled the orcs, my heart was trampled simultaneously.

Thus began the 380th turn.

It was during another ‘vacation turn.’

2

“Cavalry.”

“…Pardon?”

“Let’s raise a cavalry.”

The meeting room fell silent for a moment.

Thud. Just in time, Noh Doha, the head of the National Road Administration (who isn’t picky about the type or origin of coffee and drinks whatever is given), lowered his cup of café mocha.

“What nonsense are you talking about…?”

“I’m saying we should raise a cavalry. In a world where cars and motorcycles don’t run, how long will we cling to outdated vehicles? Don’t you think it’s about time we needed a new mode of transportation that works just fine on weeds and doesn’t require fuel?”

“If anything, horses seem far more outdated than cars…”

“Eras change according to their environment.”

For the record, whenever I argued something within the Regressor Alliance, I never just spoke empty words. I always prepared audiovisual materials and statistical data in advance.

“As you can see, thanks to the growth of the National Road Administration, logistics between cities and guilds are becoming increasingly active. However, the amount of fuel each city has stored is rapidly depleting. It’s clear that within two years, all reserves will be exhausted. Director Noh Doha, we need to prepare countermeasures starting now.”

“If my memory serves me right, weren’t you, the Awakener, Doctor Jang, the one who recently suggested using gremlins to power vehicles…?”

“Gremlins, despite appearances, are still anomalies. No matter how careful we are, accidents can happen at any time. We need a Plan B that we can switch to whenever necessary.”

“That sounds reasonable, but why do you look so displeased…?”

That’s because only Noh Doha sees Noh Doha in my eyes.

“Well. I admit it’s a decent Plan B, but how do you plan on raising horses? We don’t have the luxury to expand pastures…”

“No worries. I have no intention of asking Lady Swordmaster, who’s already busy, to trample more weeds.”

“…Then how do you plan to raise horses?”

Noh Doha’s puzzled look was justified. In this world covered by the Void, even wild plants that appear normal can be deadly if consumed.

If anything consumes them, whether human, animal, or plant, they experience a miraculous genetic transformation in real-time.

Experiencing white hair gradually growing from your scalp and then suddenly sprouting teeth instead of hair is quite a unique experience. Even Darwin and Lamarck, if they were reborn in this era, would probably say, “I didn’t expect my theories to be this accurate…” with a reluctant smile.

“Director Noh Doha, we need to break free from the fixed idea of ‘horses.’”

“What? Wait a moment. The feeling I get whenever you spout academic nonsense is just creeping up on me again…”

“What is a horse? What is the essence, the idea, of a horse? It’s an animal that people ride to gallop.”

“Oh, hell.”

“I don’t just want an imitation of a horse. I want a true horse. One that humanity has never seen before – a horse itself. One that doesn’t fear pike formations and their pointed tips, with explosive acceleration and long-distance endurance, capable of carrying heavy loads, kind, gentle, but only to me and ruthless to enemies, one that doesn’t defecate much and eats anything. That’s the horse I want.”

“Oh, hell…”

“And to create this horse, I will use the Void. How does my perfect plan sound? Doesn’t it just make your heart race?”

“It does make my heart race, thanks to the angina you’re causing. The Medical Dispute Mediation and Arbitration Agency is bankrupt, so I can’t even sue you… Um, Saintess? Can you please try to stop this man…?”

The Saintess, who had been quietly sipping her instant coffee, finally spoke up with a blank expression.

“Last week, Doctor Jang here consulted with me about creating a moving steampunk fortress like in ‘Howl’s Moving Castle.’”

“…”

“Compared to a steampunk fortress, the idea of a horse is relatively reasonable. I recommend giving up, Director Noh Doha.”

A long sigh filled the meeting room.

“Oh, hell…”

I took that as a sign of, “This project sounds fantastic, let’s start right away.”

The very next day, I set up a horse ranch in the plains of Daesan-myeon, north of Changwon in South Gyeongsang Province.

“Modern people’s trend is returning to farming… no, returning to pastoralism.”

Wearing a straw hat, I looked out over the plains with satisfaction. The land I chose was perfect.

With the nearby Junam Reservoir, the environment was ideal for pastures. The location was excellent, too. It was practically a stone’s throw from the National Road Administration and the headquarters of Samcheon World in Busan.

“After traveling all over the country through countless regressions, my eye for land has become sharp enough to rival Master Muhak.”

My shoulders naturally lifted with pride.

Before the collapse of civilization, this land was primarily used for agriculture. However, now, with most residents having left, it is overrun by weeds and underbrush.

Of course, in this era, genetics and biology have advanced to the point where even “anomalies” are officially registered among the weeds and underbrush.

-GobbleGobble.

-SlimeSlime.

The anomalies inhabiting the Daesan-myeon area came in two major types.

First, there was the “Slagogoblin,” which looked like a goblin but had a body made of liquid slime. Then there was the “Goblime,” which resembled a slime but had goblin skin. According to the Library Association’s classification system, both were considered less than village-level threats.

How such hybrids came to be, I don’t know, so don’t bother asking. Perhaps one day, Goblin A found a slime’s bottom enticing… or maybe Slime B felt a peculiar comfort from a goblin’s rear. Either way, the result was equally monstrous.

-Gobble!

-Slime!

Without hesitation, I wiped out both rare species in just two days. Post-apocalypse, the word “biodiversity” was removed from dictionaries worldwide, making this act perfectly legal.

While I was in Changwon, I also tidied up the underbrush with my aura.

-Neigh! Neigh!

Next came the perfectly legal and peaceful transportation operation. I went to Jeju Island, rounded up the grazing horses, and loaded them onto a ship.

Then, I rowed back and forth between the mainland and Jeju Island.

[Translator – Jjsecus]

[Proofreader – Gun]

Fuel? That’s a luxury.

“Noh Doha declared, ‘We can’t spare even a liter of fuel for your Animal Crossing Edition DLC…’ and handed me exactly 500ml of heavy oil in a beaker.

But who am I, Doctor Jang? I managed to transport a total of 200 horses by rowing across the sea with my aura-covered oars over two weeks.

Not stopping there, I even went to Japan to negotiate with the Magical Girl Association and brought back four prime racehorses. Since we’d done a few business deals together, they were more than happy to help.

Of course, the Magical Girl Association didn’t provide a ship, so I had to row across the East Sea by hand.

[Why on earth…?]

I often heard the Saintess muttering, but I ignored her.

I respect the Saintess, but after finally convincing her to read *The Romance of the Three Kingdoms* last week through persistent proselytizing, she read it and remarked:

“…In the end, Sima Yi won, so there’s no real moral or lesson, right?”

What? Neither a Shu (orthodox) nor Wei (heretical) fan, and not even a lunatic Wu fan, but a Jin fan? Is she even the same species, Homo sapiens? The Saintess doesn’t understand the human heart.

[I don’t mean I like the Sima family; I just meant the story’s conclusion… Never mind. I’m sorry. I was wrong. Keep raising your horses.]

Hmph.

The horses grew rapidly with the love and support of the regressor, and most importantly, the genetic mutations from the Void.

If the world were still normal, it would take at least 2-3 years for horses to breed and for foals to grow into adults, but our world isn’t normal. It’s a world where Newton’s concepts of absolute space and time induce seizures and convulsions.

Thanks to this global level of insanity, in my ranch (named “The Idea Ranch”), foals could grow into adults in just one night.

Of course, this was an extreme case; generally, they grew erratically over about half a year.

-Neigh! Neigh!

-Grumble…

Under my care, the horses unlocked the mysteries of evolution. I named this entire process “Genetic Factor Operation”… shortened to “GenOp.”

Towards the ultimate horse!

Towards the fastest horse!

Towards the supreme horse!

In a way, evolution was similar to the life of a regressor, filtering out the optimal paths. Hence, who better to be an expert in GenOp than me, Doctor Jang?

And so, after six months of hard work…

“You mean, there are already results…?”

“That’s right, Commander Noh Doha. I officially invite you to my [Idea Ranch] for an inspection and tour.”

“Wow. I can’t remember the last time I was so reluctant to accept an invitation…”

“But this is the official Plan B submitted in the Alliance meeting. As the meeting’s chair, you should verify it, right? Plus, staying in Busan all the time isn’t good. People need to get out occasionally.”

“…”

“You’ll come, right?”

“…”

For this day, I even prepared a safari truck.

Not only Noh Doha, but I also invited our guild members, Seo Gyu and Sim Aryeon. They tend to feel left out if I do anything fun without them.

“Ah! Guildmaster, you always brag about the ranch, so I’ve been dying to see it! Can I draw it and post it on SGNet?”

“Big brother keeps singing praises about the ranch, calling it Arcadia and Utopia, so I’m curious. From start to finish, it’s your creation, so it must be amazing, right?”

Aryeon and Seo Gyu chattered excitedly in the backseat of the safari truck.

In an era like the apocalypse, entertainment was scarce. Humanity had rediscovered the virtue of being excited about small invitations.

Meanwhile, Noh Doha, seated in the passenger seat, had a face that screamed reluctance.

The moment he got in the truck, he fastened her seatbelt and quietly whispered to me.

“Doctor Jang…”

“Hmm?”

“Why isn’t the Saintess here…?”

“Oh, I did invite her, but she’s down with a sore throat. She said she’d come next time when she’s feeling better.”

“…”

Noh Doha’s expression grew even paler.

I inserted a cassette tape into the quite old safari truck and played some music. The backseat filled with cheerful chatter, appreciating my excellent taste in music.

“Alright, let’s start the first public opening and safari tour of Doctor Jang’s Idea Ranch.”

“Wow, amazing…”

“Ooooooh!”

Vroom!

The safari truck roared, spewing out exhaust fumes. I honked the horn enthusiastically, and the preset bugle sound blared triumphantly.

-Fuboooooong!

It was perfect.

As the bugle, once sounded across continents for humanity’s last stand, majestically echoed, Noh Doha’s muttering drifted from the passenger seat, barely audible, just enough for me to hear.

“Damn it…”

[Translator – Jjsecus]

[Proofreader – Gun]