Tales From the Terran Republic

Chapter 268: Tea, Sympathy, Cows, and Guns! (one of two)

Charlotte, sounding a lot like a Peterbilt, rumbled happily to herself as she checked the temperature of one of the water tanks, each containing water of a specific temperature and chemical composition.

She then placed a small pour-over filter filled with a specific blend of freshly ground coffee beans, minerals, and eggshells underneath one of a row of spigots and adjusted a needle valve to deliver the appropriate flow rate.

She then repeated the process with another cup and filter containing a different blend of coffee and minerals without eggshells.

She looked out over her little caffeinated empire and rumbled a bit more loudly, unintentionally startling one of the newer customers.

She would need to add more tables again!

While humans were terrible at quantifying anything, they seemed to be able to recognize and appreciate her efforts to make a passable product… And word was spreading! She was no longer just serving some locals, the workers at the Drop, and the local constabulary. People were coming here, some from across the city, for her product!

Even better, some of them were “snobs” who could not only notice and quantify the subtle differences between cups, they could offer advice, knowledge, and techniques.

She wasn’t the only person dedicated to the art and science of extracting the right compounds from such a challenging substrate!

There was even a subgroup on this wonderful website called “Seenit,” where they would congregate and share their enthusiasm, knowledge, and “snobbery”!

It was… wonderful! There were people even more obsessed with perfection than she was!

With the miracle that was cheap and rapid transportation in the Republic, coffee snobs could travel across the entire planet in hours. It meant that one could take an excursion to the other side of the world just to visit a particular shop or café!

Oh, how she loved her days off now! What was even more wonderful was the fact that the proprietor of the shop was almost always aware of the impending arrival of the “coffee monster” and was either completely at ease with her appearance or, at the very least, forewarned.

Meeting kindred spirits, joined together in the hunt for that perfect cup, was splendid beyond words. It nourished her very soul the same way that this wonderful place did when she, alone and having lost the trail completely, wandered in from the darkness.

She rumbled even louder, causing the newcomer to back away.

“That just means she’s happy!” Neeph, wearing a poofy white hat and chest protector, exclaimed as she scurried up with a box filled with biofilm packages strapped to her back.

“Neeph!” Charlotte exclaimed happily as she started preparing Neeph’s usual order. “How lovely to see you. I hope your newfound success isn’t detracting too much from your studies.”

“Only a little,” Neeph replied as she pulled out a huge bundle of dumplings and handed them to her teacher. “I changed the mix on these a little. Let me know what you think.”

“I look forward to both tasting and analyzing them!” Charlotte rumbled as she pulled out a card. “You may not realize it, but you are rendering my people a great service… and one that may make you even more successful. These little morsels are actually capable of sustaining our metabolism and are absolutely delicious! I simply can NOT believe that they are meat-free!”

“You can do a lot with cheap crap,” Neeph replied. “The Terrans talk about polishing a turd. My family actually had to make them edible!”

“We coulda used you during the Wars, Neeph,” a grizzled old woman said as she trotted up, card in hand. “Your bug balls are amazing!”

“Besh!” Neeph exclaimed as she rooted around in her box. “Here you go, twenty-four number fifteens with extra crickets!”

A quick transaction later, and Besh trotted away, happily holding a package of little bundles of delicious from Neeph’s homeworld.

Neeph squeaked happily as a cup of chicory, black tea, and lavender was set in front of her.

“Oh, that hits the spot!” she exclaimed. “I’ve been up since three in the morning. You know, all those days I moped around the Drop wishing I had more work, maybe I should have been more careful in what I wished for.”

“The Blood God was too gracious in granting your prayers for game?” Charlotte chuckled.

“Yeah, right up the butt,” Neeph replied, causing Charlotte to laugh out loud, making even her regulars jump a little.

“Neeph,” Charlotte said, her tone changing, “It is not for me to tell you how to stalk your prey, but I must caution you concerning your hunt-sister.”

“Wha?”

“I understand that you have entered into some dealings with Uhrrbet.”

“Yeah! She’s great!”

Charlotte rumbled dubiously.

“I much choose my words carefully,” Charlotte said, “I like Uhrrbet a great deal…”

“I do, too!”

“I like her because I sense in her a kindred spirit,” Charlotte said carefully, “Uhrrbet is a predator and a very fit one. However, her hunting grounds are here, on these streets. And, instead of using fang and claw, she uses words, both from her mouth and on the glowing screen, the same words she uses with you. Be very careful in your dealings with her, Neeph. I would be saddened if her small jaw filled with very sharp teeth found its way around your throat.”

“Oh, it’s not like that!” Neeph said. “Once she realized what I was using her no credit check payday loans for, she stopped giving them to me and started trying to teach me about business stuff. I had no idea there even was a special loan for business! She then took me to see Mister ATM!”

“Mister ATM?”

“He’s the ATM over near her shop. They’re friends!”

“I am a newcomer here,” Charlotte said, “so I may be misunderstanding your words. Is an ATM not the money boxes one finds on the street like the one that Craxina had put in here?”

“Yeah! Uhrrbet is friends with one! He’s really nice! You know how Zip and the Unified cabs are? Mister ATM is the same way! I had no idea you could talk to the orange ATMs! They are really friendly.”

Neeph giggled.

“Mister ATM and Uhrrbet got in a fight and everything! He called her a predator, too!”

“Really?”

“He wasn’t happy about her ‘loan sharking,’ which made Uhrrbet mad. She said that if Mister ATM would give everyone who came to her bank accounts and credit cards, she would quit the same day. Well! That shut up Mister ATM up real quick! She said some other things, too,” Neeph added with a giggle. “Anyway, after they finished yelling at each other, Uhrrbet introduced me and said how good my dumplings were and how popular they were getting. Then she told him that I had been going to her too often for loans and how she thought I was in some sort of trouble, but when she found out I was buying ingredients for the next order and then paying her back, she sent me over to him to set things up right! She gave him a data crystal with something called rough numbers on it, and the subject changed real quick!”

Neeph took a quick sip of her brew.

“Oh, Creators, Charlotte! I’m going to be able to get one of those food carts… a food cart! Uhrrbet says I should skip that nonsense and started talking all sorts of craziness.”

“Craziness?”

“She started talking about shops and licensing and production and all sorts of other things that made my head hurt.”

“What did Mister ATM say?” Charlotte asked dubiously. She had classmates a lot like Uhrrbet. They were wonderful to their schoolmates, but to what they considered prey...

There was the love of the hunt and healthy bloodlust…

…and then there was cruelty. There was being clever, and then there was poaching. She wasn’t sure what “poaching” would entail in Uhrrbet’s strange hunt, but she was pretty sure Uhrrbet was doing it.

Different biome, same smell. It was something about the eyes. They reminded her of something that used to hunt her once in a way that no other being, no matter how strange, did.

“He started talking with Uhrrbet about all sorts of stuff I didn’t understand for a bit and then said that Uhrrbet, while ‘ambitious to a fault,’ was not wrong. However, it would not be her name on the loan. It would be mine, and I shouldn’t let anyone, ‘no matter how well-intentioned,’ push me into something I didn’t want to do. So… I told him I wanted a food cart, and I started talking all about the cart, which one I wanted, what I would put on it, and even what color it would be! Mister ATM said that it sounded like a great idea!... Charlotte! I’m getting a food cart!!!”

“How did Uhrrbet take it when you didn’t want to follow her trail?”

“She just laughed and told me that whenever I got tired of being small-time, to see her. She also said I could drop by any time with business questions and stuff. She asked Mister ATM about scalability and about something called franchising, and Mister ATM said that it was more than possible but that maybe we should see how the first food cart fared before I started trying to operate more of them which was weird. I asked how in the void I could run more than one cart at a time.”

“A very valid question,” Charlotte agreed. “I cannot see what a second coffee stand would provide me other than vexation. What was their answer?”

“Well, they were both quiet for a few seconds, and then Uhrrbet said that it was probably best that I start out with just the one cart. She promised Mister ATM that she would keep an eye on me, which made Mister ATM happy. Charlotte! I’m getting a food cart!!!”

“As you have said,” Charlotte rumbled as she refilled Neeph’s cup (she always made enough for a refill), “So, when are you getting it?”

“Well,” Neeph said, “Mister ATM gave me all of this homework, more than you ever have. I also have to take some classes, but they are online, and I can do them at that library you told me about. Then, I have to take a test so I can get a license to make and sell food, and then I have to get another license to run a business and another license to run a food cart and… Oh Charlotte, there are so many ‘and’s’…”

“It sounds like quite the trail.”

“Oh, it is,” Neeph said, “But I have Mister ATM and Uhrrbet to help me follow it, and the homework is just remembering a bunch of stuff, not hard stuff like you teach. Uhrrbet says that all I really have to learn is where to look stuff up when I forget.”

Charlotte rumbled.

“That isn’t your happy rumble. What?”

“Sloppy scholarship,” Charlotte said disapprovingly, “I understand that time is a concern, but please do not be satisfied with simply becoming a ‘library professor’. I cannot abide those.”

“A library professor?”

“Yes, a scholar who is only capable of performing while in the library because they don’t actually know the material. Being one of those will allow you to pass a test and, with the computers the Republic has, you can most likely always have your library with you, but true knowledge, mastery, and most importantly, the ability to use it comes from eating the words, absorbing them, and making them a part of you. If you wish to hunt from a food cart, then know the food cart. I suspect Uhrrbet does not need to look up the fundamentals of hunting her prey… regardless of what she is stalking.”

“Sorry?”

“It’s nothing,” Charlotte replied, “It’s just that Uhrrbet reminds me of certain hunt brothers and sisters, which is not necessarily a good thing. This is a strange and new biome, so I may be mistaken. But, just the same… Be mindful around her, and allow me to remind you that Craxina also knows a great deal about running a business, as does Littlefoot and Mister ATM. It never hurts to verify a source, Neeph. I would rather you learn this from my words than from another’s teeth.”

“Okay…” Neeph replied.

Her communicator beeped.

“Oh, that’s Uhrrbet! She can have lunch with me after all! We are going to talk about something called inventory management!”

“How wonderful…” Charlotte rumbled dubiously.

***

Littlefoot grinned as she fired off another burst, ripping the center out of the target, her little body shaking violently.

“Well, goddamn,” Clarence said as the target was reeled in. “That is a nice group, even from a human.”

Littlefoot grinned at him.

“I’ll take it!” she exclaimed. “I would like it with a stock like my Little Buddy, that nice Tetraoptic holosight, and… hmm… what do you think, suppressor or compensator?”

“It depends on the range you are expecting to not have to use this,” Clarence replied, “I would also put a different stock on it. I still can’t believe you can handle a nine-millimeter submachine gun.”

“Well, I can now,” Littlefoot giggled. “I might not look like it, but I do come from a line of warriors.”

“Are you sure you don’t want a five-millimeter wasp or a classic five-seven?”

“They are both sexy, sexy beasts,” Littlefoot replied, “But I like the payload of the nine better, and the price of range ball doesn’t hurt either. I hope I never have to use the good bullets, but I do love coming here!”

“Fair enough,” Clarence replied. “Speaking of price, have you thought more about reloading?”

“I’d love to,” Littlefoot replied, “It’s just that I don’t have a lot of space and…”

A little white-scaled skink-like biped wandered into the range.

“Hello?” it asked nervously.

“Clarence,” Littlefoot said, “This is Bethany. Don’t even try to say her real name. Bethany, this is Clarence, the only person I go to for things that go bang! Bethany is going to inherit my Little Buddy and my revolver. I brought her here so you could get started on the species conversions and to look at her hands. She’s having trouble with the grip on both.”

“Hi,” she said nervously.

“Clarence is one of the good ones!” Littlefoot exclaimed, putting her arm around Clarence’s leg entirely too high up for his comfort. “He won’t rip you off, and he knows his stuff!”

She looked up at him.

“She’s never touched a weapon before, so I wanted to be sure she has the right stuff. I want whatever Buddy needs to have done, done, and look at the revolver. I’m not sure it’s the best thing for her. I’m only giving it to her because I’m not using it anymore, so if she needs something else, let’s get it done!”

“But Littlefoot…” Bethany said nervously, “I don’t have much money yet, and…”

“And nothing!” Littlefoot exclaimed, “I do have money, and you are getting decent gear. I’m getting rid of Buddy and the revolver, anyway.”

“About that,” Clarence said, “are you sure about the new pistol? That thing is going to kick like a mule and isn’t nearly as concealable.”

“I don’t need it concealable,” Littlefoot replied. “I don’t have time for clients anymore. I’m too busy herding the sheep and managing the front these days.”

“I thought Craxina ran the place.”

“She does,” Littlefoot replied, “And she is busy too, but Craxi has needs and gets grouchy if she doesn’t get her itchies scratchied on the regular… And she has become so popular and famous that she brings the serious cash these days. One of her ’fur dances’ alone brings in a ton. She does a couple of clients a day, and that’s enough to shift our bottom line! Someone needs to be trusted with the office phone, and that person would be me.”

“Fur dances?… Forget it. I don’t want to know.”

“Yeah,” Littlefoot sighed, “I’m on salary now, and the pay cut kinda blows, but it’s steady, and someone has to keep the place and Craxi on an even keel now that Bryce is gone. I know he’s slime, but damn if he wasn’t useful. Anyway, something on my hip and out in the open isn’t the worst thing, if you know what I mean.”

“Okay,” Clarence shrugged, “If you are sure. There is a snub-nosed .380 under over on the block this week. I will see if I can get it. It belonged to a peace officer and was carried as an off-duty piece. The stunner is police issue, and you claim you can handle the recoil if we modify it properly. It’s going to be massive, though… at least for you.”

“Get it!”

“How high do you want me to go?”

“Get it!”

“Littlefoot…”

“Fine, two thousand. Happy?”

“That should more than do it,” Clarence replied. “I’ll submit our bid today.”

“Woo!”

“Okay!” Littlefoot enthused, “Let’s get Bethany set up…”

As Clarence and an increasingly relaxed and excited Bethany, now reassured that Littlefoot was what was called a ‘gun nut’ and that there were many self-defense options that wouldn’t hurt you almost as badly as your assailant, were chatting, Littlefoot’s phone rang.

“Drop of Oil, if you want it, we got it!”

“Hey, Littlefoot,” Craxina said, “You might want to cut it short and get back here.”

“Damn, Craxina, how much fucking do you need?”

“It’s not for me,” Craxina laughed, “It’s for you. You have someone here asking for you by name, cute too!”

“Did you tell him that I was off and to come back tomorrow?”

“I did, but he said that he would wait and that he would pay you a grand if you agreed to see him today… before any other negotiations! It’s a thousand credits just to say hello. I wouldn’t normally bug you on a day off but… a thousand credits! I figured you would at least want to hear about it.”

“Well, I am buying new guns…”

“Again?”

“I’m selling Buddy and Thumper to some of the girls and upgrading the pea shooter.”

“Selling or giving?”

“Is there a difference?” Littlefoot laughed. “We want to keep the reputation of being well-armed, don’t we?”

“Yeah, but you don’t need to sponsor it personally. You coming in?”

“Yeah, but tell Mister Blue Balls it’s going to be a few hours, though. Clarence is taking Bethany’s measurements.”

“Will do. Later!”

“Bye!”

“Is there a problem?” Bethany asked.

“Nothing you need to worry about,” Littlefoot shrugged, “and nothing that will stop your appointment with the good Master Clarence here.”

***

Charlotte rumbled about the bar and glanced at the clock.

It was about lunchtime. Neeph would soon be dining with Uhrrbet.

This was quite the dilemma. Neeph shouldn’t be shielded from the just and true judgment of natural selection…

…however, she was one of her swarm and an underclassman to boot. Not only was she an underclassman, but she was one of her underclassmen.

Underclassmen fell on hunts. It was part of the holy scourge, the Blood God’s claw that sliced away the weak and corrupted flesh and thus kept the swarm fresh, healthy, and strong. This world, while strange beyond words, was a biome and the biome in which Neeph hunted and hid.

If Uhrrbet did view her not as a sister but as prey, and if Neeph fell to her hidden form, much more dangerous than what was revealed by the light of day, then that was in keeping with the judgment of the fairest court in the universe, natural selection. Uhrrbet was more fit than Neeph. Of that, Charlotte was certain. Uhrrbet was a Vtrag and Neeph was a… well… a Neeph…

Maybe she should…

What was she thinking?!?

She should do nothing. This was Neeph’s hunt… and Uhrrbet’s… maybe… She squirted out a warning, and that was not only sufficient but actually pushing it. Also, how could she doubt her swarm mate and hunt sister like that? Neeph was fit. If she was not, she would not have been able to hold to the path like so many others had failed to do. Even considering intervening was not only unthinkable but blasphemous.

All she could and should do was wish Neeph well and pray to the Blood God that her hunt was a success, regardless of the size of the game or what stalks the path.

She rumbled ruefully.

Perhaps all of this single-breeding nonsense was starting to corrupt her somehow. She should call her molt brother. How he would laugh at her foolishness.

Besides, she needed a good outside (and sane) perspective to keep her grounded.

It was too easy to lose the path out here.

***

“No,” Littlefoot said as she crossed her little arms, “One thousand credits, please.”

“You haven’t even heard my proposal,” a well-dressed man with glossy black hair said with amusement.

“I don’t need to,” Littlefoot replied, “If you are willing to pay a grand just for me to hear it, then it has to be some freaky shit that I am NOT into.”

The man pulled out a prepaid with ‘1000 cr.’ displayed.

“Nice doing business with you,” Littlefoot said as she reached for the card.

The man raised it just out of reach.

“Now, that’s just rude,” Littlefoot said and turned away, “Oh, Maaaaaven Hulllleeeeennnnnnaaaaaa…” she called to one of the nicely dressed (and armed) Careel loitering nearby. “Iiiiii have a liiiiive one for youuuuu…”

“I would like to take you to dinner, just dinner, in a public place and introduce you to someone in that public and completely safe place. That’s it, just a nice meal and your… lovely… company,” he said as the Careel war-maven approached with a wickedly happy little smile and several of her fellow death-sex-weasels.

“Fifty thousand,” Littlefoot replied, “and I’m bringing a friend.”

“Excuse me?!?” the man spluttered.

“You clearly don’t know what ‘no’ means,” Littlefoot said as Maven Hullena unsnapped the catch to the sheath for her monowire cutlass. “You are one of those ‘everyone has their price’ assholes. So, my price for something I clearly have no interest in doing is fifty thousand. Either pay up in advance or hand me the card and fuck off. I strongly suggest you do one or the other before Maven Fuck Up Your Entire Day gets here.”

“Very well, fifty thousand.”

“Fifty-one thousand, asshole,” Littlefoot said, reaching for the card again.

“Of course,” the man replied as he handed her the card.

“And I’ll want the other fifty before I set one dainty little paw off of this lot.”

The man pulled out his communicator and briefly typed.

The number on Littlefoot’s card promptly changed to 51000 credits.

“Fuck,” Littlefoot gasped, “I didn’t think you’d actually do it!”

“A vehicle will arrive here at seven PM.”

“Oh no,” Littlefoot chortled, “No way that’s going to fucking happen. You will send me an address and a time and my friend and I will meet you there. My friend has a big appetite and will need a significant amount of real raw meat. If her plate goes empty, the date is over. It better not be the cheap shit, either. She has a very refined palate.”

“Your friend wouldn’t be the lovely being who poured my coffee a short time ago, would she?”

“Oh! You’ve met her!” Littlefoot beamed.

“I may have to change the restaurant,” the man replied. “You are a very annoying little shit. Do you know that?”

“I’m not the one trying to get a gentle little flower to do something she doesn’t want, dickweed,” Littlefoot said demurely with big eyes. “Oh, just so you know, I’m going to be packing. My friend isn’t coming to back me up. She’s coming to get rid of the evidence… if you know what I mean.”

“Charming to a fault,” the man said with a smile. “I have no idea why I was expecting otherwise. If you would give me your contact details, I will send you information concerning the location of our rendezvous.”

“Oh, and it better not be any freaky shit, or I walk… with the cash.”

“For fifty thousand, I would think…”

“You thought wrong, mushroom dick. No freaky shit.”

“Very well,” the man said, “no freaky shit, though that really leaves this agreement open to abuse.”

“Again,” Littlefoot replied, “you wouldn’t fuck off, so you get the fuck off price and the fuck off terms.”

The man smiled.

“I still need your details.”

“Call the main number.”