QT: Don't fall in love with the Male Lead

Chapter 111: Don't take a leap of faith

Xi Zirui pulls back from Han Yu's neck and looks into his eyes. "Are you okay?"

Han Yu gives him a long sustained look, his eyelashes fluttering for a moment over his eyes, before he pulls Xi Zirui's arms from around his shoulders, his hands still oddly manacled in front of his body..

He nods towards the unconscious Su Xueyi. "We should probably deal with him."

"Right," Xi Zirui says, getting up to his feet, feeling out of sorts. "Let me just get you out of those."

He goes to the kitchen to find the heated blade stored in one of the drawers, and comes back minutes later, to free Han Yu from the steel cable binding his wrists together.

Careful not to damage his artificial skin, he slices through the metal easily.

Han Yu shakes off the binds the rest of the way off and returns his attention back to Su Xueyi. "We can't let him go," he says, his jaw set in a harsh line.

He gives Xi Zirui an inquiring look. "Does Xi Zirui want to kill him?"

If only it were that simple.

Xi Zirui once again can't exactly explain to Han Yu that he's inexorably tied to Su Xueyi, and that if he dies, Xi Zirui will die it him.

It's one of the more frustrating aspects of the Transmigrator 4000, because with each world Xi Zirui's urge to kill off Su Xueyi grows.

He looks down at the pool of blood collecting under Su Xueyi's head and shakes his head. "We can't, that would only bring us more trouble."

Han Yu nods and bends down to pick Su Xueyi like a sack of potatoes. "Let's lock him up in the cargo hull until we figure out how to deal with him."

Xi Zirui doesn't miss the chilling distance that has grown between them, or the terseness of Han Yu's words.

---

After thoroughly searching Su Xueyi for any hidden weapons or communicators, they tie him up against the railing running across the wall of the cargo hull, keeping his arms extended over his head.

Xi Zirui hopes he wakes up with terrible cramps.

His nose is broken, and Xi Zirui makes no attempt to set it, only shoving a rag up his nostril to staunch the bleeding.

Han Yu kneels at his side and takes his pulse directly from his neck. "The amount of blood he lost isn't life-threatening, he'll be fine."

He gets up to his knees and makes his way out of the cargo hull without a look backwards at Xi Zirui.

Xi Zirui runs after him. "Wait, Han Yu, we need to talk."

Han Yu comes to a sudden stop on the hull's doorway. He gives Xi Zirui a perfunctory smile over his shoulder. "Right, I apologize for leaving, I wanted to see the sights from the viewing decks, I know I got Xi Zirui into a lot of trouble, I'm sorry."

He knows damn well that's not the conversation they need to be having, but Xi Zirui doesn't know to to breach the subject.

Han Yu faces forward again. "I'll make some food for Xi Zirui to eat," he says, before walking out on Xi Zirui.

---

The days that follow are terrible. Punctuated by tense silences and one-word sentence exchanges. Xi Zirui thinks he's going to lose his mind.

Han Yu has an uncanny talent for shutting down all of Xi Zirui's attempts at breaching the subject of the emails he read -- switching topics suddenly, or finding a convenient excuse to leave the room.

Even Little Thunder has noticed the change in mood and has been uncharacteristically sticking closer to Xi Zirui, getting into less trouble too -- even his ever present cat vomit has mysteriously vanished, confirming Xi Zirui's theory that he did it on purpose.

But Little Thunder's improved behaviour is a poor substitute for Han Yu's company, who seems to grow more distant with each day.

It doesn't help that Xi Zirui has to make frequent trips to the cargo hull to feed Su Xueyi.

Su Xueyi's nose has long stopped bleeding, but the trails of blood still stain his skin.

His flirty quips are gone, now his features twist into an ugly scowl every time he sees Xi Zirui.

"You'll pay dearly for this," he says, as Xi Zirui shoves another spoonful of bland gruel down his throat.

If he's not making vague threats he's insulting Xi Zirui.

"You're disgusting you know that? Tin lovers like you got us in fucking wars in the past. Imagine killing actual humans over pieces of circuitboard and wires?" 

He chuckles darkly. "You're going to wish you were dead when me and my boys are done with you."

Sometimes, he manages to rankle Xi Zirui. "You talk a big game for someone tied up inside my ship. You forget I can kill you at any time."

Su Xueyi rattles his bindings on the railing with a manic grin. "And why haven't you? What's stopping you?"

By the time Xi Zirui leaves the cargo hull and the doors close behind him, Xi Zirui feels about ten years older.

How did his fun space romp turn out like this?

---

Han Yu continues to cook all the meals and help out around the ship, and now refuses all of Xi Zirui's offers of help.

It's as if he's determined to build a wall between them, and carefully separate their roles as human and android.

Things come to a head when he bumps into Xi Zirui in the kitchen and says, "I'm sorry Owner."

Xi Zirui can only stare up at his handsome face in shock.

He doesn't realize he's crying until Han Yu's carefully composed expression of neutrality crumples, and he runs the pad of his thumb under Xi Zirui's eye, catching his tears.

"Why is Xi Zirui crying?" he asks, and for the first time in days, it's as if some of the usual warmth has returned to his voice.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry I didn't tell you," Xi Zirui says, his tears falling freely now, as he holds Han Yu's palm to his cheek, nuzzling into it.

"Xi Zirui isn't obliged to tell me anything, I'm just a-"

Before he can say anything else Xi Zirui lifts himself on his tiptoes and plants a kiss on his lips, it's a violent and abrupt thing, born out of desperation rather than tenderness.

"Han Yu is the one I love," Xi Zirui says, once they part. "I'm sorry for the things I wrote in the past, but they aren't true any longer. They haven't been true ever since the first day we met."

It fills him with bitterness to have to take responsibility for the original's actions, but it would be terribly disingenuous to try and find excuses for the emails Han Yu stumbled into.

And Xi Zirui does need to apologize sincerely for keeping things from him.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about what happened to Androids 60 years ago," he says, meeting Han Yu's eyes, desperate to convey the honesty of his words. "I didn't want to saddle you with that weight, perhaps it was selfish of me, but I just thought that if it was the other way around, I would rather not know."

Han Yu pulls Xi Zirui's hand away from over his own, and for a moment his heart falls, but then Han Yu holds it between his cool, dry fingers.

"That wasn't Xi Zirui's decision to make," Han Yu says, his clear gaze unwavering.

Xi Zirui lowers his head. "I know."

What else can he say?

"I meant my apologies too, I shouldn't have left the way I did, I led that man to us, and put Xi Zirui in danger, I deeply regret my actions."

Xi Zirui shakes his head. "He would have caught on to us anyway, he was already after me, you didn't do anything."

Han Yu's fingers tighten around Xi Zirui's and his sharp eyebrows knit in a frown. "Xi Zirui should stop doing that?"

"Doing what?"

"Taking responsibility for everything. For the things that are his fault, as well as for the things that aren't."

His cutting words make heat rise to Xi Zirui's cheeks. 

Han Yu can see so clearly through him, he has no defense against him.

This vulnerability isn't something he has learned how to deal with yet.

"Xi Zirui is very intelligent, has a very quick mind. This is something I like about him," Han Yu says, the corner of his lips tick up in a smile and it makes Xi Zirui start beating violently inside his chest. "But sometimes that makes him think he can predict everyone else's reactions."

Xi Zirui shakes his head. "No, I don't--"

Han Yu pulls him forward by the wrist, trapping him against his chest. "Xi Zirui wants to be in control at all times, wants everything to line up in front of him like pieces on a Go board." Han Yu smiles fondly. "But that's impossible."

Xi Zirui is silent for a long time.

"Then, what do you suggest?" he asks, his voice small and wounded.

Han Yu tilts up Xi Zirui's chin with his thumb. "I want Xi Zirui to know he can share his burdens with me, because I love him too."

His throat tight, Xi Zirui sucks on a shuddering breath, and decides to take a leap of faith.