Losing My Religion

Part 3, Chapter 6

Amber

Once I finished my brooding, the letter popped into my head yet again, and it was time to finally put the mystery to bed. I grabbed it out of the overnight bag I’d packed at my dorm, and got Sophia’s attention, sitting down on the edge of her bed and watching as she crawled over to sit next to me.

We stared at the letter in my hands, a small gap between us, tension building for this silly moment.

I laughed, “It’s going to be something really stupid isn’t it…”

Sophia gave a weak smile, “Maybe…”

I put my hand down in the space between us, inviting hers to join me. Her touch had helped earlier in the restaurant, and I found desire building in me for it, as strange as that was.

She took up the invitation without hesitation, placing her hand on mine.

I turned mine over and gripped hers, “No matter what, this doesn’t change anything.”

She nodded.

I went to open the letter, only to realize I had no way of doing it with one hand.

Sophia giggled at me awkwardly staring at the envelope in my free hand, before standing and escaping my grasp. She made her way back to me with a plastic letter opener, quickly sliced it open, and sat back down with her hand in mine again.

I let out a breath, took the paper out, and began reading, “Dear Amber and Sophia, First off, I love you both! Second off, I’m so proud of both of you for this, I’m well aware of how difficult the process of self-realization can be…” I trailed off, a sinking feeling forming in my stomach.

Sophia looked just as uneasy, slipping her hand out of mine without a word.

I continued reading, my anticipatory tone giving way to one of dread, “I’ve seen the way you two look at each other, so I had a feeling this would happen. To be clear, I’m completely comfortable with you two having a relationship, whether it be romantic or…” I pinched the bridge of my nose, “just sexual…”

I sighed and turned to Sophia, “Do I really have to read the rest of this?”

She shrugged, reaction still subdued, “Maybe there’s something important later…?”

I continued, despite both of us knowing there wasn’t anything, “So while I’m gone, you two have complete permission to do whatever with each other, as long as you tell me about it when I’m back. And since we never talked about other people, I’ll just clarify here that I want to meet someone before you’re with them, I’m not really comfortable with any of us being with strangers, unless it was all together. Anyways, good luck! Love, Lily”

A silence stretched out, filling the room.

“So…” I started.

“Well, we found out what the letter was about.” 

I shook my head, “Did she really think…?”

“Maybe it was more of a hope…” Sophia smirked.

I smiled, meeting her eyes with mine, “That dirty demon… I mean, it’s ridiculous, right?”

“How so?”

I sputtered, “What do you mean? How’s it not ridiculous?”

“We’re both attracted to women. It makes sense that Lily’s horny brain might think we could develop feelings for each other.”

There she goes with being level-headed and reasonable again. Is there anything that can break her composure?

I didn’t want to lie to Sophia, but I did want to tease her and see if she could get flustered. So I told a bit more of the truth than I otherwise would’ve. “Maybe that’s true, but there’s no way you’d be attracted to me. You hate me and you’re way out of my league – both of you are.”

Wait, that’s not even flirty – that’s just pathetic…

Instead of flustered, as I’d hoped, she reacted with a confused stare. “I’m just the awkward third to your relationship with Lily, why would you feel anything other than pity for me?”

I leaned in, closing half of the small gap between our faces. “What are you talking about? I’m the awkward third to your relationship!” Frustration creeped into my tone.

We stared into each other’s eyes, the realization dawning on both of us.

“We’re so stupid…” we harmonized.

“I–”

“You–” 

“You go first,” she said, finally breaking our staring contest, glancing down at her lap.

Oh god, how much do I want to admit to her? How much do I want to admit to myself?

I laid back into her mattress, fluttering my legs against the side of the bed. “So, you’re attractive. Very attractive. But it’s not just that; you’re feminine in a way I’m not, and sometimes it feels like Lily doesn’t find me that attractive. Like I know she cares about me, but compared to you…”

Sophia sighed, laying back next to me, “First off, thank you. It’s incredibly flattering that you find me attractive, given you’re so perfect, fit and confident–

“I’m not confident, I’m impulsive.”

She laughed, staring at the ceiling, “You’re hot. And I have no doubt that Lily agrees with me on that matter.”

I hummed skeptically. 

“Don’t make me come over there and show you how hot I think you are…”

I blushed. 

“As for my feelings about our relationship with Lily, it feels to me like she likes you more than me because of how easily she forgave you, and how much closer you were to her before she asked us out. After she stopped going to church, I didn’t see her in person for a long while.”

She continued before I could gather my thoughts to respond, “And I know that’s not right – it’s not that I didn’t want her to forgive you or that I wanted her to keep going to church with me, it's just…” she turned her head to the side, facing me, “Maybe I’m just jealous of you…”

I huffed a laugh staring into her eyes once more. “Well I already admitted I was envious of you the night we met. Your smile is so pretty and you always know what to say, and you’re just so damn unflappable.”

Her eyes flicked down slightly, but I couldn’t tell if she was embarrassed by my praise or if she’d glanced down at my lips.

She smirked, “So you were talking about stress relief earlier…”

I closed my eyes. “Oh god, I did not mean it like that…”

“What a shame…” She murmured.

“I…” I rolled over to face away from her so I could focus, “So we’re attracted to each other – I’ve got that down. But, if I can admit something a bit embarrassing, I’m not as experienced as I pretend to be around Lily.”

“How so?” The sheets rustled as she scooted her body closer to mine behind me, still leaving the slightest bit of space between us.

“I think she has this idea that I’ve been with a lot of people – partially because she was a virgin when we met, and partially because I like being confident around her. But really, Lily is the first woman I’ve been in a serious relationship with, and other than a couple of random hookups, I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m sure Lily thinks I’m some kind of player after I let it slip that I owned more than one strap, but the only reason I do is because the first harness I bought was terrible…”

Sophia giggled, “Amber, I’m not going to judge you for being inexperienced. This is technically my first serious relationship, although I’ve had my fun fooling around with women… But regardless, I don’t think you count as inexperienced, and even if you did, I’d be happy to take the lead.”

My heart jumped, skyrocketing my pulse in a sudden frenzy of anxiety. Letting her take the lead? I could never; witches never let someone behind their defenses.

I sat with that thought for a moment.

Shit… How much control does my mother have over me? I thought she had let me be relatively independent, but…

Maybe now was the time to rebel away from my mother’s teachings, make my own magic and become my own kind of witch. And the first place to start with that was…

I leaned back into Sophia’s body, letting her spoon me. Her arm snaked over my hip, curling around my torso possessively.

It was scary and reassuring and erotic all at once, but the feelings remained separate for now, my mind scared of what would be left if they all coalesced. 

Sophia buried her face in the back of my hair and whispered through the dry strands, “What do you need, Amber?”