I Should Have Just Died

“Aha… I’ll try it next time. Sid, can I do that as well?”

“Yeah. It’s not that difficult.”

Alyssa whispered. He then opened his mouth.

“The anniversary of the person I know is soon. He died unfairly. I heard from him that freshwater fish is served by sprinkling it with lemon and grilled and eaten.”

Seidrick’s touch began to slow again. He did. Alyssa wasn’t the only one who liked this grilled fish. Kendrick used to sit in this seat regardless of the season, forgetting the time and tilting the fishing rod. He used to enjoy fishing with him every time…

The grilled fish, seasoned with salt and pepper, were also what Kendrick taught Seidrick. It was also forgotten.

‘Kendrick, look. You shouldn’t have died… you should have survived.’

Not aware of Seidrick’s reaction, Alyssa spoke slowly.

“It’s the anniversary of that person. But I have committed a lot of sins against that person.”

Alyssa smiled softly.

She broke the engagement between Kendrick and Dania and took the place of his fiancee. The royal family didn’t hesitate to be dirty to keep Kendrick tied, so breaking his engagement wasn’t too tricky. It was not until later she found out that Lady Dania, who had previously shown hostility to Alyssa, was Kendrick’s original fiancee.

The royal family will probably have no guilt for them.

Not only that, Alyssa was also guilty of Kendrick.

“So I may be clumsy, but I want to treat you with his favorite food.”

At first, there was a custom of reminiscing about the deceased by sharing the food that he loved the most in his lifetime. Alyssa was saying she wanted to put freshwater grilled fish on the dinner table.

‘…It would be great, Kendrick.’

The princess, who doesn’t know anything, cooks fish herself for her brother.

And at that moment, Seidrick realized the nasty truth.

Alyssa and Kendrick.

The two were initially supposed to be married. She was supposed to have Kendrick, not him, by her side.

If Kendrick was alive…

As Seidrick swallowed a hot fireball, his throat became hot.

He couldn’t stop his thinking as he mechanically seasoned the fish and put it on the skewer.

‘I must have become a shameless and immoral person.’

***

Seidrick smiled in vain. So, he was relieved of himself right now. Damn.

His hand trembled. He couldn’t bear the ugliness of himself, relieved of Kendrick’s death. Turning his back on Alyssa, he held the fish on the fire and burst out the breath he had been holding.

His forgotten feelings came to mind.

“Sid? You don’t look good. You’re pale… Is something wrong with you?”

He drowned in the kindness that Alyssa gave, and he forgot the things he should not ignore. Seidrick stared at her. But, he was like something more pathetic.

‘Even then, I can’t hate you anymore…’

No matter how much Kendrick’s shadow was on her, he couldn’t hate Alyssa anymore. Even though she realizes his immoral self, he hopes that she will be safe and not sick.

He wished she would stay with Seidrick for a long time.

He had a hunch that the reason he clung to Kendrick’s remains and dreams may be his guilt.

Ugly and selfish, Seidrick.

He doesn’t hesitate to even think of immorality now.

Months have passed since they didn’t visit Kendrick’s tomb on the excuse of being busy or on the pretext of the royal family. There was a reason. He couldn’t go because he couldn’t stand himself, and he couldn’t stand in front of Kendrick.

Seidrick’s heavy gaze stared at Alyssa.

“Sid? You’re really weird… Are you sick? Shall we stop and go back?”

Nevertheless, he couldn’t let go.

Seidrick slowly glanced over Alyssa’s white face with her thin cheeks.

For God’s sake, there wasn’t one thing he could hate.

The small face that harmonizes with the long flowing platinum hair is white. Mysterious purple eyes sparkle like jewels, and pale pink lips pour out pretty words.

Besides, Alyssa was a more profound person than he thought.

To protect her, he had plain-clothed knights following her. The royal family members were those who could harm Alyssa at any time, so the plain-clothed knights, hired by Seidrick, were paying keen attention to her.

Thanks to this, he gained a lot of information about Alyssa that he did not know before.