How To Survive as a Villain

Xiao YuAn returned to the tent where the wounded soldiers were recuperating. However, when Chen Ge saw him, he asked incredulously with wide eyes: “Physician Xiao, why did you come back? Shouldn’t you be sleeping in the Emperor’s tent tonight?”

Xiao YuAn: “…. Did I hear wrong, or did you mean it in ‘that way’?”

Chen Ge replied straightforwardly: “I mean it, shouldn’t you be with His Majesty at this moment-… Ow!”

Xiao YuAn slapped Chen Ge on the wound before he could say anything embarrassing. While he heard Chen Ge’s howling, Xiao YuAn said with a smile: “If I don’t come back, then who will change your bandages and apply the medicine?”

Chen Ge shouted: “Ahhh Physician Xiao ahhhh! I’m not begging you to change my bandages! I only beg you to not hit my wounds!”

After Chen Ge finally calmed down, Xiao YuAn carefully applied the new medicine.

They were silent for a while, until Chen Ge whispered: “Physician Xiao, have you expressed your feelings for His Majesty yet? I can see you didn’t, otherwise, you wouldn’t be back here tonight.”

Xiao YuAn laughed: “You have the appearance of a 2 meters tall, rough man, but you’re actually someone with a soft and delicate heart.”

Chen Ge hmmed twice, taking it as a compliment.

Xiao YuAn finished applying the herbal medicine, and then said: “I can’t help it. After all, in this world one must be very careful. The more you care, the more you will hesitate. In fact, I’m not someone who worries a lot, and I’m not concerned about myself; but when I think about him, I can’t help but worry all the time. We have different statuses, and I’m afraid that gossip will drown him.”

Chen Ge replied: “Physician Xiao, you shouldn’t care about this. You just need to know that His Majesty is fond of you. If you think that you’re helping him by worrying this much, in fact, you’re harming him. Right now, you two are in front of an abyss, in which His Majesty won’t hesitate to jump into. But if you’re too worried thinking about this and that, you’ll turn around at any time, and then you will leave him alone, wandering in the depths of the abyss. Sigh, His Majesty is so pitiful.”

Xiao YuAn: “…. My friend, you’re awesome! If you were to open a relationship consulting shop in modern times, you will definitely become famous!”

Chen Ge pressed down on Xiao YuAn’s shoulder, as he shook him back and forth while yelling at him: “Physician Xiao, stop talking nonsense! Did you even understand what I just said?!”

“I understood, I understood.” Xiao YuAn, who was shaken back and forth by Chen Ge, was so dizzy that he leaned backwards and then forward. After steading himself, he clenched his fist bravely and said: “Alright then! Tomorrow I’ll go to Yan HeQing and I’ll strip his clothes! Then I’ll make love to him, ‘this way’ and ‘that way’!”

Chen Ge no longer tried to shake him, but he still shouted out loud hesitantly: “Physician Xiao, what? I thought you were ‘under’ His Majesty….”

XIao YuAn slapped his wound again: “Do you have to expose me like this?! Comrade Chen! A man should have aspirations! And a great man should have high aspirations!”

Chen Ge inhaled and exhaled, he still couldn’t help but cover his wound and rolled around on the ground. It was so painful that he almost lost his breath, so he said unforgivingly: “Physician Xiao, those who… suit their actions to the time… are wise¹!”

Xiao YuAn stopped talking as he went forward and swung his arm, mercilessly beating Deputy General Chen with a broken cloth.

…

The next day, Xiao YuAn really went to find Yan HeQing. However, the war situation unexpectedly changed, and Yan HeQing was discussing major decisions with several Generals.

The reason behind this, was that the scouts had found traces of the remaining Eastern Wu troops. The report mentioned that they were retreating to the next line of defense, which was at a town in the Eastern Wu Kingdom. If these news were to be true, then as long as they lead elite soldiers to chase after them, they can effortlessly attack them in one fell swoop.

However, some Generals felt that these battles were won way too smoothly, so they suspected this was actually a trap. Their next movement should be extremely cautious. For a moment, the tent was so noisy that it seemed the people inside were quarreling instead of having a conversation.

Naturally, Xiao YuAn couldn’t disturb Yan HeQing at this time, so he simply turned around, and left. Huang Yue’s Deputy General, who had been guarding the gate of the tent, narrowed his eyes slightly, and quietly followed behind him.

CG and XYA are so hilarious together XD and it’s so funny how CG wants his ship to sail so hard ahahaha we stan ❤

Footnotes

1. 识时务者为俊杰 shí shí wù zhě wèi jùn jié; It’s a Chinese idiom. It means that the one who can recognize the trend of the times, is smart and capable, can become a hero and a great man. / A wise man submits to circumstances. / Only those who can recognize the trend of times can become an outstanding person. From《襄阳记》(xiāng yáng jì), “The Book of Xiangyang”, written by (习凿齿 xí zuò chǐ) Xi Zuochi [?-383 AC], an historian from the Eastern Jin Dynasty [317-420].